When I returned from London, I brought back a few CDs to listen to on the way. One of them was ATLANTIS, which I bought because I wanted to hear Seymour Wright's voice, whom I often see at OTO. But at that time, OTO didn't have his solo work, so I bought this album with three people instead. Surprisingly, Steve Noble's performance on this CD was very satisfying. Since I brought it back, I sent it to my former roommate, Li Ping, as a gift. As a drummer and behind-the-scenes worker, I wonder how he feels after listening to it.
At this moment, I am waiting for the provincial library to open in the Children and Youth Library. I accidentally found an adult book on the shelf, which is about Jean-Pierre Hallet's journey to the Congo. I quickly flipped through a few pages, but I liked the author's character. Reading while traveling, recording what is in front of me and what is in my heart, without decorating my writing because of moral constraints, is honesty the most important quality for a writer?
I can't do it. Many times, it's not that there is nothing to write about, but rather that I feel I can't write. Just like these past few months, I stopped writing here, partly out of laziness, and partly because my inner thoughts were too real and intense, so I could only write secretly. If I want to write about my psychological activities openly, I have to avoid touching on those intimate matters, and the difficulty of writing increases exponentially, making me even lazier.
I don't like my temporary emotions being remembered by others, because relationships between people always change, and when temporary emotions are expressed, it seems that others quietly fix their impression of you, and all kinds of temporary and changing expressions irresponsibly become something that represents you. I can't even recognize myself, so I don't want to give others the opportunity to recognize me. Unless the other person knows this, understands the changes in people deeply, and doesn't hold onto a certain moment's appearance, only then will I feel comfortable revealing myself.
By writing like this, I can consider it as expressing the truth and being accountable for my writing, otherwise it would be meaningless. People who live cautiously, constantly judging themselves, are tired.