I was awakened by my phone vibrating a little after three o'clock. I received a message saying that I might meet someone I haven't seen in a long time and have been wanting to see. Instantly, my brain cells became excited to the point where I couldn't fall back asleep.
The situation I dislike the most in my life is when I don't need to understand you and you don't need to understand me. Our relationship is secure and stable, so stable that it can be maintained without needing to know much about each other. This kind of relationship feels extremely hollow to me because deep down, I believe that curiosity is a form of respect. Respect for the possibilities in others and respect for the unknown.
Feng Baobao and I have a very healthy relationship. We understand each other well and are curious about the reasons behind even the smallest changes in each other. This has led us to understand each other's thoughts and emotions, and even the logic behind their changes. It's a progressive understanding. Therefore, we are not the kind of friends who can be satisfied with "it doesn't matter if we don't contact each other for a long time, we'll still be the same when we meet." Conversations with Feng Baobao bring me a lot of comfort. I have become accustomed to having someone like her, who is like a mirror, growing together with me. In front of her, I try my best to be genuine because only by not hiding can many doubts be resolved. In the past decade, friends have come and gone, but I never expected that she would be the one to stay by my side the longest. When we first met, neither of us could have imagined such a development because we seemed so different from each other, so we didn't pay much attention to each other.
When it comes to blood relations, I might only realize that I didn't cherish them enough when I lose them. But with Feng Baobao, I cherish our friendship every day. Compared to many people, I am indeed ruthless in this aspect. The bonds, needs, responsibilities, and attachments within a family are more important than truly understanding each other. Perhaps we are familiar with each other's temperaments but are unaware that we don't truly know the person. The terrifying thing behind this is that if the other person's personal pursuits hinder your needs for them, it's better not to understand them. After all, ignorance is not a sin. Maintaining distance and preserving power. So in family relationships, many times people cannot respect each other in the face of their own needs. At such times, it is especially important to protect one's own inner self. Because we all feel confused by the harm caused by the closest people to us, and even deduce from this, questioning the meaning of all relationships, and then questioning ourselves.
Home and country have similarities. After experiencing the relaxation of being in a foreign country or city, it is difficult for me to face this sense of oppression again. My family, even if they say they don't want it, deep down they still want the best. Prepared words will be spoken at important moments, while desires flow unintentionally in daily life.
This is already good enough, most people would say. They don't understand. When things are a mess, and you are trapped, you think that the world is just like this. As things gradually improve, to the point where they appear clean and sacred on the surface, the vulnerabilities in the internal structure become apparent. What is contentment? If you're not happy, what's wrong with that?