(When logging into the xlog website dashboard on a new Android phone, I plan to copy the content of the memo. I have to say, the dashboard interface on the phone is really messy. @diygod)
The names I have used, are like unfinished buildings. Some of them, as they were being built, were no longer needed. It's as if they didn't fit in with this world and were discarded to the side. They were not carefully dismantled, leaving a taste of regret.
Recently, I abandoned the name "cheapcrapcommunity" that I had used for over ten years as a musician. Although I still use it in a very small aspect, it is no longer used for its original purpose. Since the days of QQ, I have enjoyed the challenge of changing my name. Some names represent what you want, while others represent how you perceive yourself at that time. These seem to be the two common mindsets. Even now, I still express something through changing my name, although the frequency has become very low and sometimes I change it more casually, especially when I find defining my state to be uninteresting. But it still remains a function that I can't let go of, just like dressing myself up.
However, it seems that I am more cautious when it comes to musician names. This may indicate that I am indeed treating the act of creation seriously.
My current musician name is xxory/xxorx. This name contains two states, 0 and 1. It's easier to explain with a picture.
I want to use this name to clearly express the direction I have been wanting to explore for a long time. The combination and separation of machine-like and human-like qualities.
So currently, the basic means I use are code and vocals. Will I learn to play any instruments? After all, skill also carries a machine-like quality. Sometimes I feel that I am not really a musician or someone who loves music. I just love absorbing many things from music. When it comes to learning an instrument, I am always not very interested. When K asked me where to buy a good guqin, I didn't know, but when I was browsing in the old paradise, I saw a guqin compilation by Cha Fuxi, which was packaged very nicely and came with a booklet. I think K doesn't know how much music he has shared with me, or how many delicious things he has made for me, so I bought it with the intention of giving it to him when I go to London. At this moment, on the plane, I am thinking that before giving it to him, I definitely have to see what's inside, who Cha Fuxi is, and what kind of guqin he plays. So I opened the package and listened all the way through. The first CD surprised me with how an instrument that can be considered outdated in concept can still have such an interesting side. When I heard the "Pu An Chant" on the second CD, I truly felt its beauty.
This trip to the old paradise was also my first time. The prices were a bit high, so I only bought what I felt was necessary. Picking up one thing after another, when I spread them out on the bed in the hotel, I realized they were all traditional Chinese art forms. Except for the guqin, they were all related to Chinese opera. Thanks to Fei's trashy internet, I bought Chinese opera not because I enjoy listening to it, but for two reasons. First, it was the background music of many moments in my childhood, so listening to it feels familiar. Second, I don't understand it. Unlike jazz, which I don't understand and is not familiar, I approach it with the purpose of gaining new knowledge. Approaching drama, on the other hand, is partly because I miss my hometown.
On this trip back to China, when I arrived at the hotel in Shenzhen, I came across a recording of Chinese opera on the TV and I actually stopped to watch it. When I was a child, I used to think it was boring and quickly changed the channel. But one trouble that music brings me is that it makes me want to understand many things that I originally had no interest in. With jazz, I have no foundation for feeling, so I try to understand it through its structure, hoping to build a sense of appreciation. As for drama, I have vague feelings about it, but I still don't know what it really is. In the end, I am just interested in the thought processes behind these people and their works, and finding the points of aesthetic stimulation is only a part of it, but secondary.
Whether it feels familiar or unfamiliar, I don't understand either. It truly is a great joy in life. Not long ago, I was complaining that I am a pessimistic person who only waits for miracles in life, but I still have so many things to be curious about.