In animated movies, you often see a very thrilling scene where characters are desperately running, and the road behind them is crumbling. Underneath the cracked ground, there are many monsters' tongues and big hands reaching up, wanting to engulf everything on the surface.
This is how I feel right now, a sense of speed and struggle forced by tragedy. If I don't imagine that as I run, there will be flowers blooming along the way, leaves swaying, and the transparency and clarity of water, mountains, and scenery, then everything will be ruined.
Because the most frightening thing about this run is that the path I've crossed becomes a memory, becomes a part of me. If the hesitant and nostalgic nerves start to flicker, the future and the past will both disappear.
The day before yesterday was a perfect day because my curiosity occupied every moment. Yesterday, many cracks appeared in time because I talked to people who deeply cherished the past and tasted the deep waters with new acquaintances under the streetlights. And a large part of the deep waters is formed by the past, the mapping of the past and the future is frightening.
Today, the past is threatening me. How could I accept such a threat? Fuck off.
I'm just very sad. The intimacy we once had has now become its means. Sliding from disappointment to despair, with a broken head and bleeding.
Fortunately, I still have friends around me. Fortunately, there are many important things to do. Like the person who deeply cherished the past told me, even in extreme pessimism, you can still find happiness.
But still, I hope that one day I can break through the dimensional control of the timeline with my own limitations.